Shift Your Focus to Feel Better
July 20, 2023
After discovery, everything in your life can seem like a challenge. From the time you wake up until the time you go to bed, his secret porn use weighs on your mind. Thinking about it produces negative feelings like anger, sadness, and uncertainty. You worry about the future of your relationship and the direction your life will take when the dust settles.
It might seem like things will never get better. Like you’ll never feel better. But you will. You have the power to change how you feel and how you look at this situation. You can positively impact the direction of your life. Here are some ways you can start to shift your focus and your outlook, so you can feel better.
5 ways to shift your focus
Reframe Your Mindset – Notice when you are in a negative frame of mind. Then deliberately begin to shift to a more neutral or positive mindset. You didn’t want to face a porn addiction in your relationship, but you did. If you continue to dwell on what happened and all the negative things about it, you will stay stuck. Instead, choose to look at how strong you are for being able to handle what happened. See how it has changed you. Through trauma, there is personal growth.
Let Go Of Limiting Beliefs – Discovering your significant other has had an unhealthy relationship with pornography affects you at a very personal level. It makes you feel like you are not good enough. You may even blame yourself for his porn use. Thinking that if you were only prettier, sexier, more fun, etc. then he wouldn’t have turned to porn. None of this is true. These kinds of limiting beliefs keep you stuck and hold you back. Reflect on what limiting beliefs you have and challenge them. If they aren’t serving you, let them go.
Be Your True Self – It’s very easy to play the comparison game after discovery. You might compare yourself to the images he looked at or your seemingly perfect neighbor or a supermodel in a television commercial. Comparison hurts. Let other people be them and you be you. If you want to change something about yourself or improve in some way, fine. Just make sure you are doing it because you want to. Don’t do it because someone else expects it or because you feel like you aren’t as good as someone else. There isn’t anyone else like you. Embrace your unique qualities and be your true self.
Live Your Best Life – When you are in the middle of the chaos and negativity resulting from his secret obsession with pornography, life feels bad. It might seem impossible to live your best life. Pull yourself out of the negativity. Visualize your best life. See yourself doing things you enjoy and spending time with people who lift you up. Picture what a peaceful life would look like and begin to take action to build it. You deserve to live a life that feels good. A life where your needs are met, and you can thrive instead of just surviving. You may not be able to create 100% of your best life now, but you can start to take small steps toward it. Take the first step today.
Focus on the Good – Yes, things can feel overwhelming at times. Yes, you have to deal with things you’d rather not be dealing with. But everything isn’t bad. There is some good in your life and you can choose to focus on it. Staying in the present moment can help you find the good. When you ruminate on what happened, your attention goes to the past and you experience negative emotions. When you focus on what is happening in your life today and the things you have to be grateful for, you will feel better. You can’t control what he does, and you can’t change the past, but you can control where you place your attention. Pay attention to the good.
You can choose to shift your focus and take action that will help you feel better. Don’t stay stuck in the negative turmoil caused by his secret obsession with pornography. You deserve better. With a positive mindset, a connection with your true self, and the confidence to move forward, you can take control of your life.
If you would like help on your healing journey, schedule time to talk with me. You can access my calendar here. We can explore how I can support you as you move through this challenge in your life and realign with a life you want and deserve.