Partners of porn addicts are angry for many reasons and their anger is justified. We are not the one with a porn addiction and we didn’t ask to be in this situation. But, we are the ones that have to deal with the emotional turmoil that it causes. In most cases, we didn’t even know anything about the addiction when we engaged in our relationship. Discovery caught us off guard, turned our lives upside down, and yes…it made us angry!
You were betrayed. Of course you are angry.
The lies, the secrets, and the deception are the worst part about this whole thing. If you are anything like me, I thought I was married to a great guy and that we had a great relationship. It seemed like we were in sync in every area of our life. Not only did I believe that, but so did everyone else who knew us.
My first discovery was a huge shock. I just couldn’t believe that he would hide something from me and that he didn’t trust me enough to share his whole life with me. Over the years, several more discoveries occurred. So many emotions came up for me…confusion, fear, uncertainty, and disbelief. I was also very angry!
Now I know that the anger that partners feel is somewhat normal. The person closest to us and the one that we trusted completely is a liar, an addict, and possibly a criminal, depending on how they chose to act out sexually. We may even feel anger toward ourselves for trysting him, for not knowing what he was doing, and for how his addiction has changed us. The anger serves as a protective mechanism for us in many ways.
What can you do when you are angry?
First of all, know that you do actually have control over the anger. You can choose how to respond and as you heal, your emotions will become more stable.
When you are angry:
- Feel the emotion, feel the anger (it’s okay)
- Understand the anger. You are just trying to protect yourself from more pain.
- Choose to focus on something else. Distract yourself with something, go for a walk, engage in self-care, talk with someone safe.
Don’t Let the anger destroy you
You are strong enough to get through this and to recover. The life that you deserve is waiting for you! You are resilient. This isn’t the first thing that you have had to overcome in your life. Think about the hard things that you have done and all of the difficult situations that you have successfully navigated. Draw on those experiences and know that you can heal and recover from this too.
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