How to Change Negative Self-Talk to Positive Self-Talk

August 23, 2022

Self-talk is the inner dialogue you have with yourself. The inner dialogue consists of the thoughts that you don’t speak out loud but you say to yourself in your mind. It can be positive, negative, or neutral. 

People in general often engage in negative self-talk. Partners of compulsive porn users frequently engage in negative self-talk. After discovering that your significant other is turning to pornography instead of you for sexual pleasure, the negative thoughts tell you that you are not good enough. Your negative thoughts aren’t true and it’s important to change negative self-talk so you begin to heal. 

 

It’s important to change negative self-talk

    Negative self-talk doesn’t just manifest as thoughts in your mind. It shows up in other areas of your life which is why it’s important to change negative self-talk. Here are some of the ways that negative self-talk shows up in your life. 

    • You feel bad about yourself
    • You don’t take bold action
    • You have a negative outlook on life
    • You view yourself with a negative lens
    • You lose motivation to engage in social activities
    • You create a self-fulfilling prophecy of performing poorly because you think you will
    • You feel stress
    • You are unhappy

    Negative self-talk perpetuates your feeling of not being good enough as a woman or a partner. When you intentionally change negative self-talk into positive self-talk, you begin to feel better about yourself. You have more confidence. You have more energy. You have a better quality of life.

    Change negative self-talk to positive self-talk

    The first step to change negative self-talk is to recognize when it is happening. Once you notice it, stop thinking for a minute. The goal is to move to a more positive thought. It can be helpful to ask yourself if the negative thought was true or not. Most often, it’s not truth based on facts. Admitting that the thought is not the truth makes it easier to change it. Develop a new thought that is more in line with truth. The new thought may be neutral or positive. 

    There are also exercises that can help change negative thoughts to positive. One exercise is to consider the advice you would give a friend who was thinking that very same negative thought about herself. You will tend to be compassionate toward your friend and help her see the truth. Another exercise is to follow that negative thought out to the worst case scenario. If it is true, what is the worst that it would mean? What is the worst thing that could happen as a result? Then, ask yourself how likely the worst-case scenario really is. It’s probably not very likely. This allows you to move to a more positive thought that is more likely. Expressive writing is another exercise that can be beneficial. Writing out your thoughts and feelings gets them out of your mind and puts space between you and the thought. You can objectively look at the negative thoughts and begin to move toward more positive thoughts. 

    Changing negative thoughts to positive thoughts takes work. You have to let go of perfection. You have to unlearn old patterns of thinking. You have to be mindful and stay in the present moment. Meditating and practicing gratitude can help. If you need outside support, consider working with a therapist or coach. 

    In summary

    Changing negative self-talk to positive self-talk is a habit that needs to be formed. You have to keep working at it and repeat positive self-talk over and over again. It will take a while to override years of negative self-talk. Manage triggers that lead to negative self-talk. Surround yourself with positive experiences and positive people. Give yourself time and compassion as you do the work to change your self-talk. 

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