Here is Why He Prefers to Masturbate
November 18, 2021
One of the most difficult aspects of porn addiction is when a partner realizes that her husband prefers to masturbate instead of being sexually intimate as a couple. There are so many factors that drive his preference for masturbation. With masturbation, he is in control. It can last as long as he wants and it’s easier that worrying about whether or not you are in the mood for sex. That is hard to hear but it’s what he thinks. You might be tired or busy or stressed out and not interested in having sex. With masturbation, none of those things matter. He can still achieve his orgasm.
He wants the perfect orgasm
Porn addicts have had thousands of orgasms through masturbation. Your husband prefers to masturbate because he has perfected the experience and he can make sure that he has the best orgasm every time. What he may not realize is that he may begin to have issues with having orgasms any other way…like having sex with you.
He prefers to masturbate instead of face life’s challenges
Masturbating to pornography is a coping mechanism that addicts use to soothe negative emotions like stress, boredom, and anxiety. It takes his mind off of the negative situation and also creates a physical response that feels good. He prefers to masturbate and avoid the negative emotions that he might feel. The porn is exciting and adds to the overall pleasure that he experiences and the negative emotions fade away. As his wife, you are hurt. You want to know when he is dealing with negative emotions so you can help him process what is going on and feel better. Some of the pain you experience comes from not being given the chance to help and support him. He doesn’t even give you the opportunity. Instead, he sneaks behind your back and seeks out sexual release with other women on the screen.
Take care of yourself
When he prefers to masturbate to pornography rather than having sex with you, it causes emotional pain. You feel neglected when he turns to porn. In some ways it’s like he is rejecting you both as his emotional comfort and as his sexual partner. It creates loneliness and feelings of unworthiness. You feel like you aren’t enough for him and might even start to blame yourself for his addiction.
Don’t let yourself go down the negative emotional spiral. Remember, his porn addiction and his choices to act out have nothing to do with you. It’s a coping mechanism for him that became a ritual and compulsion. Your attention needs to be on loving yourself, standing up for what you want and deserve, and making decisions that support your best life.