Have a Good Life NOW!
February 14, 2023
Partners of porn addicts often say they don’t feel like themselves anymore. Discovery is devastating. Self-doubt and self-blame take their toll. Always thinking you are not enough or wondering how you can change yourself pulls you further and further away from your true self. Having a good life seems questionable, if not impossible.
Realign with your true self
Maybe you don’t like the person you are becoming as you beg your husband to stop causing you so much emotional pain. You feel like you need to protect yourself from further pain. Maybe you’ve gone from being a fun and loving person to someone you don’t even recognize anymore. It’s common to think that once you lose the weight or once he stops using porn, you will be happy. Finally, you’ll be able to find the real you inside and begin to enjoy your life again. A good life, one that serves your best interests and gives you pleasure is closer than you think. What if you can find the real you and enjoy life again right now?
I believe this is the goal of a partner’s healing journey. Don’t wait for external circumstances to change. Know that you are worthy of peace and happiness today. In the body you have today, wherever you are in your journey post-discovery, and regardless of what he does or doesn’t do, you deserve to have a good life now.
Practice mindfulness
One way to experience fulfillment now is to practice mindfulness. Stay in the present. Don’t ruminate about what has happened in the past and don’t think you have to wait for some magical moment in the future. Your life is happening now. Do the things you want to do. Make yourself a priority in your life. Don’t just long for the life you want, make it happen. Find contentment in taking steps forward to your dream life.
Live a good life while you heal
There isn’t any magical moment or achievement that will make things all better. You can still be in a relationship with an addict and realign with your self-worth. You can be disappointed that your husband kept a big secret from you and stop blaming yourself for his porn addiction. Find the value in the journey. What are you learning along the way? Yes, there are still really sad and challenging times along the journey. It’s reality. You don’t have to wait for the sadness to lift or the challenges to be resolved to seek fulfillment. Healing comes through discomfort not by avoiding it.
Revel in being you. Fully experience your life now – the good and the not-so-good. Value all that you have achieved so far and enjoy the journey as you see what unfolds for you.
In summary
Partners often feel like they have to postpone enjoying life until he changes and fully recovers. Do you believe you can’t have a good life while you are navigating the uncertainty that follows discovery? You don’t have to wait. Find joy now. Practice gratitude while you work through this. Embrace today. It’s okay to look back so you can see how far you’ve come but don’t stay focused on the past. Live a good life today.
Download a checklist to help you prioritize and practice self-care at YourSelfCareChecklist.com