Discovering his Compulsive Porn Consumption is Traumatic
December 12, 2021
The betrayal, the lies, the secrecy, and the gaslighting all cause pain and trauma. As you process the negative impact that his compulsive porn consumption has had on you, support from others may be necessary. They can help you heal your trauma wounds. Therapists, coaches, and support groups can be helpful. Some friends, family, and clergy members may also be good support options but not always.
Shattered Reality
As you engage with others for support, you have to know that what you are experiencing is betrayal trauma. You are not codependent. This is not your fault. The way you have acted and the way you are feeling is a direct response to the terrible discovery of his compulsive porn consumption. Finding out that parts of your life together have been a lie is painful. Your reality isn’t what you thought it was and now you have to sift through everything to understand this new reality.
His porn consumption doesn’t define you
Try these 10 steps:
- Focus on what you can control and let go of the rest.
- Don’t isolate yourself.
- Focus on self-care and activities that bring you joy.
- Explore what you are feeling (even negative emotions) and try to determine what the feeling is trying to teach you or show you.
- Journal your thoughts.
- Allow yourself time to grieve everything that you have lost in your life and in your relationship because of the betrayal.
- Let his recovery and choices be his responsibility and take those things off your plate.
- Set boundaries that meet your needs.
- Embrace the freedom that forgiveness will bring you.
- Practice gratitude.
If you let it, the pain and all of the negative emotions surrounding his compulsive porn consumption can be completely overwhelming. Consciously focus on your needs and regain the joy and happiness that’s been lost. You are strong enough to go down the road of recovery so you can heal the hurt and build the life of your dreams.