Basic Information for Partners of Porn Addicts
November 09, 2021
The most important piece of information for partners of porn addicts to hear is that you have been betrayed and none of this is your fault. When you discover his compulsive and secret porn use, it is a complete shock. You will likely experience shock again when you find out the details of how long it has been going on and how frequently it happened during your relationship.
The whole experience is overwhelming and confusing. You no longer feel safe in your relationship and know that you cannot trust him anymore. He has lied to you and manipulated your life so he could use porn to get his sexual fix for the day.
You need to heal
Another critical piece of information for partners of porn addicts to know is that without a focus on your own need to heal from the betrayal, the emotional impact on you will get worse over time. This is so hard to see in the beginning. Since he is the one acting out, it seems logical to think that he is the one that needs to find help. As a loving and caring wife, you spend your time and energy helping him without realizing that you need help too.
You will be under constant stress worrying about what he is doing, wondering if you know everything that has happened and trying to help fix the situation. You might not notice it…but your self-esteem will continue to go down and you will lose the happiness and joy in your life. It will also take a toll on your health both physically and mentally.
Reach out for support
Once you are able to take your focus off of him and his problems, you can begin to focus on yourself. Some of the healing you can do on your own but outside help from a support group, coach, or a therapist can be very valuable. You each need your own recovery plan because you are dealing with your own trauma experience. While he is dealing with his addiction, you have to process how it has affected you and heal the betrayal wounds that it caused.