5 Ways to Feel More Confident After Betrayal
December 27, 2022
Discovering your husband has been hiding compulsive pornography use can shatter your self-confidence. You may even begin to view yourself in a negative way and doubt yourself. It seems logical that he would turn to pornography because he thoght those women were better than you, prettier than you, or thinner than you. When you begin to believe these thoughts, your self-confidence dips even lower. None of those tings are true. His decision to seek out pornography had nothing to do with you and you are not to blame. It’s not easy to accpet this truth but as soon as you do, you can start to feel more confident.
Regaining your confidence is important. When you feel more confident, you will believe that you can take care of yourself and make sure your needs are being met. You regain a sense of safety and control in your life. Confidence is also important in helping you manage triggers and regulate your emotions. You will be able to show up in your life fully and not let his secret compulsive porn use hold you back from living your best life.
How to feel more confident
1. Truly believe that you are good enough. External circumstances and your husband’s choices do not determine your value as a woman. You are 100% worthy and good enough just the way you are. You get to decide that you are enough and that belief comes from inside you. Look at all of the good you add to the world. Feel peace in knowing you are valuable, worthy, and enough.
2. Love and accept your true self. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Love and accept both. Love and accept your whole self. Don’t compare yourself to porn stars or other women. You are uniquely and beautifully you. You are perfect just the way you are. To feel more confident, embrace your true self.
3. Practice affirmations. Affirmations are powerful. After betrayal, they can help boost your confidence. Find a couple of affirmaions that resonate with you and repeat them to yourself. You can say them every morning, throughout the day, or whenever feels right for you. Here are a couple of examples of affirmations you might want to use: “I stand in my power” or “I am healing more every day” or “I choose love”.
4. Forgive. First of all, forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for not knowing what was going on in your relationship. Forgive yourself for not trusting your intuition that something was off. You may even need to forgive yourself for how you reacted to the trauma of discovery. You were hurt and you were dealing with something you’ve never experienced before. When you can, consider forgiving your husband too. You aren’t saying that his actions were okay. You are forgiving him so you can free from the resentment and negative emotions. Forgiveness frees you.
5. Take your power back. I know it feels like he did something bad to you and made you feel terrible. The truth is he doesn’t have that power unless you give it to him. You can decide that his choices and actions don’t affect you. When your inner critic starts to run the negative thought loop in your mind, stop it. Shift your focus. Know his porn use doesn’t mean anything about you. Change the negative thoughts to positive thoughts by being kind to yourself, accepting yourself, and practicing your affirmations.
In summary
Discovering his secret porn use feels like a personal attack. It feels like he is rejecting you and choosing the porn instead. Don’t let him, his actions, or your own thoughts diminish your self-confidence. You have the power to feel more confident. Follow the 5 steps above to help you.
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