3 Ways Pornography Distorts Intimate Relationships
December 05, 2021
Pornography distorts intimate relationships in many ways. What the addict sees in porn videos can lead to unrealistic expectations about sex and about your relationship overall. Compulsive masturbation to porn creates a ritual where it becomes the number one priority in the addict’s life.
Secret porn use violates trust and prohibits vulnerability which are key components of an intimate relationship. For the addict, the intimate relationship is secondary and his compulsive porn use is primary. When the partner isn’t aware of the secret obsession with porn, she thinks their relationship centers around love and emotional connection. The secrets and the disconnect in how they view the relationship prevent true intimacy.
Unrealistic expectations
Porn videos are unrealistic when compared to real relationships. They provide porn viewers with the most stimulating view – not what is best or even enjoyable for the actors. Obsessive porn consumption might make your husband think that your sexual relationship should look like what he sees in porn.
Real relationships have obligations outside of sex. There are bills to be paid, dishes to be done and dogs to be walked. In the videos, sex is the highlight and everything else in minimized. The women are ready and willing on demand and might make it seem like having sex with you is too much work. Pornography distorts intimate relationships because the videos don’t represent anything close to situations that happen in real life between a couple with real life obligations.
Sexual pleasure is his number one priority
A healthy sexual relationship provides benefits beyond sexual pleasure. It creates trust between partners. It also can strengthen the relationship and improve the overall happiness of the couple. When your husband masturbates to porn instead of fostering a healthy sex life with you, you don’t get to experience these benefits.
Pornography distorts intimate relationships because the actors are only focused on showing the viewer sex. You are not just here for his sexual pleasure. Does it feel like that is all he wants from you and everything else takes a backseat to him achieving an orgasm? Healthy sexual relationships are built on more than sex. You also sometimes hold each other without the expectation of sex. You share life experiences together, work toward goals together, and you take care of each other when one of you is down.
If your husband is seeking out porn and masturbation to alleviate negative feelings or fill a void in their life, there will almost always be dissatisfaction in your real relationship. You, his partner, aren’t even given the chance to help with those things. The really sad part is that you would do anything to help with his feelings of shame, anxiety, and stress. When you discover the porn addiction and get hit in the face with betrayal, you are blinded by your own emotional distress so he loses anything that you would have been able to offer him.
His obsession with porn feels like a threat
Porn feels like a direct threat to you and your relationship. Not just physically because of unrealistic expectations but also emotionally. When your husband hides his porn use from you and doesn’t allow you to express an opinion on the subject or even know what is really happening, it’s a complete disregard for your thoughts and feelings.
Even though masturbating to porn isn’t exactly cheating with another woman, it could lead to that. As his need for more excitement to get his “high” increases, he may turn to sex with other women. Watching tons of women everyday who are participating in sexually related activities makes it seem like there are tons of women available to engage in an affair and do exactly what he wants. It’s not exactly true, but there are some women who will do it. Again, even if he never actually cheats, porn is the third wheel in your relationship and it is getting in the way.